


Kiss it all better (Mike x Reader)

by scribblingfairytale



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pain, a lot of blood, expedition going wrong, the worst part of being a soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 08:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2061852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblingfairytale/pseuds/scribblingfairytale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A expedition beyond the Walls sometime in the cold time of autumn. Mike finds himself hesitating and not moving on, remembering things from a certain member of his squad named [Name]. All the while standing in a red pool of blood...<br/>What was he about to discover?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“What is the worst part of being a soldier?”_

 

This here. Right now, Mike mused as the smell of blood reached his nose. Blood of someone… Someone…  
Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to block out the thoughts. And the images that came with it.

 **This** here was the worst part.

 

It was absolutely silent around him. There was nothing, not even the rustling of the leaves of the trees above him. The creaking of the wood. No birds or other animals.

Just this suffocating silence. And his heartbeat that was pounding in his ears. His breath that created small, white fogs right in front of him in the autumn air before disappearing again.  


Heavy, grey clouds were hovering above him, drawing closer towards the sun, slowly enclosing it until it would be fully gone and with it the last remaining light. He could already smell the upcoming, cold rain that would fall to the ground. Wafts of mist were wavering around the trees, slowly growing stronger and drifting higher up into the air.

Mike wondered which would be worse for the mission: the fog or the rain? Shaking his head he brushed the thoughts away, trying to focus back on the task.

 

Back to what lay ahead.

  
He was hesitating, the step he´d been taking still not finished. Only his heel was connected to the ground, the rest of his foot in the air. Gripping the blades in his hands tighter he glanced down as he tried to convince himself over and over again that everything was alright. That everything would turn out well.

That everyone would get out of this madness alive.  
  
But that was a lie, though what else had he left than this stupid hope? The hope that it´ll be okay?  
Nothing, that´s what he had. Absolutely nothing.

 

Only a red pool of blood right in front of his feet.

 

Ever so slightly his hands were trembling as he reminded himself that he never would give up fighting. Never in his life. No matter how hopeless the situation looked like.  
That he had promised himself long ago, because without fighting, there was no chance to win.  
Exhaling shakily another long, white cloud into the air in front of his face, he let his foot connect to the ground fully. The front part of his foot dipped into the dark red liquid which immediately washed around his boot, some droplets falling onto the brown leather.

 

Even through the boot he could feel the warmth of the blood. It hadn´t been there for very long and ever so slowly it crawled along his foot until it enclosed it fully, slowly approaching his other foot which was still a step away. The pool of the red poison was increasing quickly, his own hopes decreasing with it.  


It was pointless…

  
The worst part of being a soldier? The words found a way back into his mind. He had thought about it very often and he´d been asked the question over and over again. From that one soldier.

 

[Name] [Last name].

 

She had become a member of his squad three years ago. Erwin himself had picked her, muttering something like ‘maybe she gets through your hard shell’ to him as he´d told him so. In the beginning he was very skeptical about that young, (h/c) haired cadet with those (e/c) eyes. She was talking way too much in his eyes.  
  
Though that one day as he´d surmount his squad to drink some tea and discuss the latest orders, she had managed to surprise him. Everyone knew he wasn´t much of a talker, at least he gave the expression to. And she made him become even quieter through that one question.  
  
 _“What is the worst part of being a soldier, Squad Leader Zacharius?”_

 

He had glanced at her, his expression unfazed and calm. Inside him was a turmoil, because he had never thought about that until then. And he hadn´t had an answer to her innocent question either. So he remained silent, like always.

 

She had smiled and nodded in response as he hadn´t answered after a few minutes. Taking the last sip of her tea she had excused herself to do the chores he had given her, leaving him behind in puzzlement. Even hours later he still mused about that question trying to get an answer.  


He didn´t find one.

 

That day hadn´t been the last one she´d asked him that question. As weeks and month passed she had tried to get an answer out of him on several occasions. But he still didn´t know what to say. Although he had never been this way. Every time Erwin had asked him those kind of questions, he had thought about them a while before giving him an answer. Even if they not always satisfied his old friend, he simply knew what to say or think. That was what counted for the both of them.  
  
And now [Name] was thinking he really was a quiet person, who didn´t talk at all. Only to tell her her chores or the new orders from Erwin. Other than that he felt uncomfortable each time she asked him. It probably wasn´t even the question itself, he might even not have an answer for any other she would ask. Maybe it was simply the way she asked it.

  
As if she craved for an answer. Craved to understand.  
  
But why asking him then? This question occurred to him every once in a while. Erwin definitely was the best person to ask, though he probably wouldn´t give the answer she wanted to hear. He honestly didn´t know. He didn´t even know how any of his friends would answer to this question.  
  
Being a soldier meant not to dwell so much on the feelings one had. Not to philosophize about questions one had no answer to.  
Although… the answer could even be perfectly obvious…  
  
Why then... couldn´t he find it?  
  
He let out a sigh, another white fog dancing in front of his face before vanishing again. Had it gotten colder since he had started thinking that much? Or was it just the fear in his heart that made him shudder? Or that what he was about to discover?  
  
Shaking his head he took another step to move on at least a bit, his foot dipping into the thick red liquid. The pool was still increasing to each side, a bit slower though. Soon he would see the source of all this.  
But he didn´t want to.  
  
Because he didn´t want to find the answer to this question writhing in his mind.  
  
Instead he let his thoughts wander away again. To the first time he had seen _her_.

  
As everyone among the Survey Corps knew he used to sniff at the people he met the first time and smile strangely right afterwards.

With her it was peculiarly different. Maybe because he could already take in her scent as she hadn´t even entered Erwin´s office. Or it was the sweetness that caught him off guard, rooting him to the spot in front of Erwin´s desk.  
Not even the ghost of a smile played around his lips as he could fully smell her the moment she was standing in front of him, smiling at her new squad leader.

 

Now he was sure that right in that moment, she had already managed to sneak through his shell, touching his heart lightly.  
Back then he didn´t know.  
  
In this very moment though he was fully sure about that.

 

He didn´t know when and why but after she´d been in his squad for over a year he had started to try to learn more about her. Tried to figure out who she really was.  
Because maybe he could understand then why she was asking him this one question over and over again. His skepticism towards her was already long gone mainly because she had proved herself well.  


And assumably, only assumably, he really did like her already.

 

Never did he tell her so. Never did he show her what he was feeling. Even if it was just a small tingle in his heart, not certainly something like love yet. If it would be, he still would deny it.  
He was a soldier. There was no room for feelings, especially love.  
But the more he learned about her through watching what and how she did things, how she acted around other people than him and the other squad members, what she liked and disliked; the more he started to admire her in some way.

 

She was strong willed, a great soldier and very kind to everyone. She never got into a fight, always being the one who settled differences.  
Just one time she had gotten unintentionally into a fight. With Levi.  
And that for a different person who had caused all the trouble in the first place.  
  
Her reaction stunned everyone. Even Levi himself.  
Because she had the courage to speak up against him. Or rather dared in Levi´s eyes.  
Either way, Levi had gotten silent immediately and stormed away with a pissed off expression on his face. Since then he never shouted at her again if she had done something wrong in his opinion.  
  
Mike shivered again, releasing a shaky breath into the cold air. He started to feel horrible although the will to fight was still there.  
But he knew that this blood there at his feet wouldn´t go away. It wouldn´t vaporize. It wouldn´t vanish without a trace. No, it would stay there, running around his boots, slowly getting thicker. And even colder, the warmth slowly drifting away.  
  
This blood wasn´t of a titan, what made his heart heavy in his chest.

It was from a person who was either already dead. Or on the verge of dying.  
  
There was no way out of this alive for everyone…  
  
Not able to hesitate any longer he stumbled a step forward, some droplets of red falling onto his bright trouser, mingling with the dirt that was already there.  
The grip around his blades loosened for a brief moment before tightening even more. He was a soldier, he said to himself. So he should go on and not hesitate. It couldn´t get any worse anyways, could it?

 

Rays of sunlight suddenly sneaked through the grey clouds, falling through the leaves of the trees, creating golden spots on the grass and the red poison on the ground, making it´s dark surface gleam. He almost could see himself like in a mirror, just more blurry.  
Indeed, he looked horrible, scratches all over his face and arms. Dirt and mud sticking to his skin and clothes. And this strange feeling flickering in his eyes.  
  
Those golden rays not only illuminated the ground though. They touched someone else´s skin as well.

 

[Name] was lying on the grass, (h/c) hair splayed out. The sunlight gently emphasized her rosy cheeks and the very small white fog that had just left her mouth. Her (e/c) eyes were closed and her expression could only be described as peaceful.  
In this very second everything looked fine. Everything looked alright.  
As if she was asleep.

 

In the middle of a battlefield.

 

And this was the moment as something else found a way back into his mind.

 

 _“Have you ever felt..this.._ pain _?”_

 

She had asked him that this **one day** he would never forget.

The day his whole squad had been wiped out apart from himself and [Name]. No one else had survived. And so many more had died on this expedition.

 

Silently he had wandered through the hallways that night after they had come back. He was on his way from his office to his room to get some sleep. But the names and faces of his squad members simply didn´t want to go away. On his desk were now lying the reports for the families. Tomorrow he would have to go to them and tell them about what had happened.

 

If they didn´t already know…

 

As he moved on through the almost dark hallways, only faintly illuminated by the last torches which hadn´t burnt down yet and the light of the moon falling through the windows, he suddenly smelled her scent. And could hear the faint sound of sniffing and quiet sobbing.  
  
His eyes had widened slightly as he had followed the scent to its source. In an almost fully dark corner of the hallway near a window was someone sitting on the ground, hugging her knees. Of course it could only be [Name] since the smell was the strongest right here.

 

He didn´t walk up to her, no he rather was simply standing there under the light of a torch watching her. Even through the darkness it was clear that she was crying, wiping over her eyes with the back of her hand every once in a while followed by a small sniff. Mike had never seen her this sad before in his life. Small shudders rocked through her body as she hugged her knees closer, the tears never dying down.

 

In this moment he had wanted to step up to her and hold her in his arms. Tell her that everything would be alright. That their squad mates were in a better place now. That they were truly free.  
And he wanted to kiss the top of her head in order to take the pain away from her. Rub her back to soothe her quiet sobbing and shuddering.

 

But he didn´t go to her. Instead he simply remained where he was. He didn´t know how much time had passed, but not wanting to disturb her any longer he turned on his heel to go away.  
That was when she had finally noticed him, glancing at him out of sad eyes. They were slightly swollen and red from all the crying.

 

Very quietly, her voice not above a whisper, she let her question echo in the air of the hallway, the words lingering in his mind even after they were long spoken.

 

 _“Have you ever felt…this.._ pain _, Mike?”_

 

Probably it was the way how she said the words, so forlorn and full of sorrow. Or rather because she addressed him with his first name for the first time since she was in the military instead of his rank. It made this question and the whole situation so much more private. As if they knew each other for longer than just the time they had spent together. It made him feel close to her although he was miles away from her in spirit.

 

His expression remained unreadable as he was thinking about this question. Trying to find an answer. Trying to understand what she really meant.  
And again she left him startled. Though this time he knew she wouldn´t be satisfied with his silence. So he finally walked up to her, kneeling down and resting his hands gently on her shoulders. Her gaze focused on his grey eyes, the tears still glistening in hers.  
  
With his low baritone he answered her almost softly. “No.”

 

He didn´t know what else to say as she had nodded, her gaze drifting away from him, and tried to stand up to get away. To find a new empty corner where she could dwell on the loss of her squad mates. She was still young and although she knew that every expedition could be the last for anyone she knew, the whole situation had broken her. He knew that she had started to consider the others her friends by now and suddenly they were gone. And she didn´t even got the chance to tell them how much she appreciated to have been around them.

 

But he also knew that as soon as she was able to put this behind and start moving on, she would be stronger than she was right now. Death was always their companion and there was no reason to dwell on the losses. She would turn into that heartless soldier from the outside like everyone else from the higher ups and older soldiers of the Survey Corps already were. On the inside though, they all grieved about the comrades that had died.

 

That they would never be at their side again. Only in spirit.

 

Gently he had helped her up, his hands remaining on her shoulders. He had the urge to hug her or kiss her on the cheek, but instead he simply lifted her chin up with his index finger, so she would look him in the eyes again. She obeyed though he could sense that she didn´t want to.  
Softly his thumb rubbed over her chin and even his whole expression turned kind.

 

Without any other word he left. Leaving her alone with the ghost of a smile on her lips, a tear rolling over it.

 

Slowly he realized that he was going to understand her questions soon. That the answers were almost in his reach to grasp it. His heart might already know it, but his mind didn´t want to.  
The only thing he wanted was that the time wouldn´t move on. That it would remain frozen like it was in this very moment.  
  
The white fog in front of [Name]´s lips would dissolve the moment the time would continue crawling by. He wished with all his heart that everything would simply stay like this.

 

Because he didn´t want to hear her gasp that would finally reach his ears. He didn´t want to see her eyes fluttering open, pain, fear and desperation flickering in those (e/c) eyes of hers. He didn´t want to see the blood pouring out of her side, staining the ground and her clothes even more with that dark poison.

 

He didn´t want to lose her. Not like this.

Not without telling her everything he had wanted to for so long.

 

But fate was a mean partner and never did what one expected from it. He never asked for his heart to fall in love, but in the end he couldn´t help it any longer as she was the only constant at his side all these years.

And now fate wanted to take her away from him again.

 

Or was it just how it always was meant to be?  
  
A small ‘ _tch’_ left his lips. He wasn´t a man who believed in God, fate or anything else.

And still he found himself wondering why he had to lose her. Now.

 

He wanted more time.

 

No matter how much he didn´t want to, of course time didn´t stop. It was not for him to decide anyways. So it moved on. Revealing all the cruelty that was to come.

 

As he had predicted he could hear the small gasp now that had caused the white fog to appear in the cold autumn air. The grip on his blades loosened, letting them fall to the ground as she whimpered, hardly being able to breathe properly. He could literally feel the burning sensation that was prickling everywhere under her skin, making her hands clench and unclench with every new wave of pain. Every nerve ending of her was experiencing unbearable pain and as her eyes fluttered open they simply stared up, only seeing blackness and white stars.

 

He hurried over to her, dropping onto his knees right beside her. The trembling of his hands had only increased as the blood started to soak through his clothes until it touched his skin. But he didn´t mind at all and gently grabbed one of her hands into his, kissing it lightly. Her other one remained lying in the red pool, clawing into it.  
  
She squeaked and whimpered not able to move. But even if she was, she wouldn´t be able to get away from the pain.  
The moment he had touched her hand, which was already getting cold, her gaze drifted to him, focusing on him. He could see the tears now that were leaving the corners of her eyes, rolling down across her temple and disappearing into her (h/c) hair which was also polluted by crimson.

 

“Hey, hey..” he murmured in an attempt to be soothing. “Everything will be alright..”  
  
This only caused her lips to curl downwards, a quiet cry leaving her lips. Trying to be gentle he pulled her up on her shoulders, letting go of her hand which came to a rest against his chest. Barely did she grab his shirt as she was half-sitting in his arms and he started to press his hands against her wound.

 

Still the warm blood seeped through his fingers, dripping onto his legs now.

 

A small shaking of her head let his gaze wander back to her face.

 

“I´m afraid..” she whispered, her voice husky and barely audible. She was weak. Weaker than he had anticipated. But considering the amount of blood everywhere…  
  
He sighed his expression remaining calm and unfazed. By the look in her (e/c) eyes he could tell that this drove her crazy as she shuddered in his grasp, whimpering.

 

“I don´t… want to….go…” she breathed out fearful and he could only try to smile reassuringly. It turned into a grimace instead causing her to laugh dryly before coughing.

 

He noticed that her eyelids were getting heavier since she struggled to keep her eyes open. Struggled to stay. Though she would be gone soon anyways.

 

“It´s alright..” was everything he could whisper, kissing her on the forehead. The grasp on his shirt tightened briefly as she opened her eyes wider again.

 

“You know…it´s not..your fault…, _Mike_ …” she mumbled as if sensing that he was cursing himself in this very moment for not have been there for her. For not trying to save her. Even though he had been way too far away to do so.

 

He had rescued others and he should be proud of that. That was what she was trying to tell him through her eyes since her voice didn´t want to work for her anymore. His mask started to slip for the blink of an eye showing all the anxiety that was inside his heart. Even his love filtered through.  
  
The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she saw this and her eyes focused and unfocused on him.

More tears left her eyes and she started sobbing though she wasn´t feeling any pain anymore. Everything was numb and getting further away as blackness crawled into her vision.  
  
“Kiss…it all…better…” she whispered her eyes resting on his before fully losing its focus and staring empty at the sky and into the ray of golden sunlight. Her breathing got more and more labored and a small whimper left Mike´s lips as well.  
  
No, no, she shouldn´t die. Not now, not later. She should stay with him. Stay as long as possible.

He sniffed in order to keep the tears welling up inside him away. The scent of titans approaching him reached his nose and he closed his eyes for a second.  
  
He couldn´t deny her her last wish. And he couldn´t leave her alone here as well.  
So he decided to ignore the approaching death and bent down to her, feeling her faint breathing touching his own lips. His fingers slightly dug into her shoulder and back as he gently placed a light, soft kiss on her lips.  
  
As he pulled away her grasp on his shirt had loosened, her hand falling limply back on her stomach. Her other hand had stopped clawing into the pool of blood. Her eyes still stared straight up at the sky, but now was something missing in them. The color of (e/c) seemed to had gotten blurry and less shiny then it was usually. Her chest had stopped rising.

 

His eyes widened and now his composed mask fully vanished from his face. Desperation and disbelief took its place as he pressed a finger against her throat to check for a pulse. She was pale and the warmth of her skin faded away even more.

 

There was no pulse. No heartbeat.

 

“No, no..” he kept mumbling over and over again, pressing his forehead against hers. She was totally limp in his grasp, her eyes still staring up as if assaulting him. He did know better that she wasn´t, so he did it instead. He should´ve rescued her. He simply should´ve!  
  
Small, inaudible whimpers were leaving his lips as he felt unhearable sobs rocking through his body. His eyes remained dry but he wanted to cry in that moment with all his heart. He had lost the person he had loved before getting the chance to tell her so.

 

He coughed, his breathing hitching as a sob tried to slip through his lips, which he started to press together into a thin line. Heavy footsteps made the ground vibrate under him, some droplets of almost dry blood flying in the air and landing on his boots.  
Neither did he care about the red liquid staining his clothes even more nor did he care about the approaching titans. He could already feel their heat as they were only a few steps away from him.

 

His gear was broken, so even if he wanted to, he wouldn´t be able to get away from here. And he wouldn´t leave without her anyways. That was why he simply remained there, hugging [Name]´s body close to himself, the coldness of her seeping through his clothes and into his heart.  
  
Unable to think and unable to feel he waited for his own end.

 

A loud growl and hiss from an all too familiar person resonated in the air, landing with a thud right next to him. Grumbling Levi pried [Name] out of Mike´s grasp before grabbing his friend by the waist and sending his wire into a tree to get them away.  
The moment they flew through the air was the moment the hand of a titan enclosed right in the spot Mike had been just moments ago.  
  
He was about to cry out and hit Levi hard, so he would let go of him. But Levi simply gave him a long, understanding look. And so Mike fell silent, glancing at [Name] as she disappeared into a titan´s mouth. Biting down on his lips he closed his eyes to block out the images.

He still hadn´t fully grasped what had just happened. That she was gone forever.

 

Soon the realization would hit him violently.


	2. Chapter 2

Gasping Mike shot up in his bed. Cold sweat was sticking to his body, some droplets running down his temples, his shirt glued to his chest. It made him shiver in the darkness of his room. His heart was drumming loud and angrily in his ears making it hard to think clearly. He panted heavily as he tried to banish the images out of his mind.

 

Gripping the bedsheets only tighter he tried to calm down again. The candles he had lit earlier this evening had all burnt down for a while now. So it must be past midnight already. The day of the expedition finally over.

 

But the grief and the memories would continue haunting everyone within the Survey Corps HQ for the rest of this new day. At least.  
  
Slowly his panting started to decrease, but his heart was still pounding desperately in his chest. He could hear and feel the blood rushing through every vain of his body. If he wouldn´t grab the bedsheets so tightly, his hands would probably tremble right now.  
  
Never in his life had he experienced a nightmare as bad as this. It left him dizzy and light-headed, his heart aching and craving for the images not to be true. He could still remember the last words of the sentence he had been writing on his report just before he had fallen asleep. Pen and paper had dropped down from his chest and onto the ground next to his boots.  
  
He didn´t need to pick the paper up. He didn´t even need to light a candle. The words were already burnt into his mind.

 

_… cadet [Name] [Last name] injured._

 

The hand holding on the pen must´ve trembled back then as he had written down those words, but he couldn´t quite remember. Everything was blurry in his mind and another shudder rolled through his body.

 

Just before his heartbeat could settle down, panic rose inside him. She had been injured at the battlefield…

Stumbling out of the bed he hurried towards the door of his room, grabbing absently the key to it. His hands were shaking violently, the pounding in his ears making it hard for him to focus on the task ahead.

 

Somehow he eventually managed to unlock his door which he immediately burst open, storming into the hallway. His naked feet clacked onto the stone floor of the hallways as he ran down them towards his destination. Fear was holding onto his heart with a firm, almost unbearable, grip. But he already did know what he would find. Find in _her_ room.

 

Why then was he still going there?

 

He skidded to a halt right in front of the door he´d been looking for. It would lead him to the person he´d been dreaming of. The person he loved.

 

Panting, gasping for air he remained just there rooted to the spot. The anxiety only rose inside him and he closed his eyes in order to calm himself down. It felt like eons as he finally breathed evenly again. Opening his eyes he glanced at the dark surface of the door. The moonlight was the only thing filtering through the windows. There was no other source of light anymore.

 

It was dark and quiet.

Though the silence was even worse than the darkness.

 

Slowly he reached his hand out to the wood, touching it faintly. His fingers retraced the wild grain of the wood, his thoughts focusing only on this. The panic eventually vanished leaving him alone in the silence. Not even the drumming of his heart was resonating in his ears any longer.

 

With a quiet sigh his fingers reached the doorknob. Careful not to make any sound and wake the soldiers in the nearby rooms, he opened the door slowly before slipping inside. He walked to the window, stopping right in front of it, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Silently he glanced outside his thoughts drifting away again.

 

The image of her back then as she was crying for their lost squad mates popped into his mind. Along with the question she had asked him back then. He hadn´t understood her. And thought this would never be the case.

 

Now he did understand. Did know about what pain she was talking about. It was the pain that made the heart heavy in ones chest. That writhed underneath the skin, making one shudder even if it was warm in the room. That engulfed the heart in an iron grip, suffocating it with its burning. It was what created that knot in one’s gut. That made it hard to breathe.

 

Mike did not just understand though. He also felt this unbearable, overwhelming pain. He was afraid to lose himself if he wouldn´t be able to suppress it anytime soon. So, he started to press his crossed arms closer against his chest, hoping that the aching of his heart would vanish sometime.

 

As the time crawled by ever so slowly more light of the moon filtered into the room, falling right onto his face and torso, illuminating him in milky white. By now his expression was calm again, but inside his heart was still that turmoil. Still that anxiety.

Fatigue slowly mingled itself with it.

 

He had thought about the expedition over and over again since he had entered the room. He had thought about that dream. Thought about her.

 

But he had nothing more than a memory to hold onto. All that it was, was a memory…

 

A single tear formed itself at the corner of his eye, his vision slightly blurry due to all the other, still unshed tears. He blinked, a tiny sigh leaving his lips as his gaze remained on the moon and the starry sky. Here there were no clouds. Here was no rain, nothing that washed away the blood.  
Or the pain.

 

He was about to leave this room finally behind even though the pain would remain as something touched the skin of his arm. The scratchy material of a blood stained bandage drove over his skin together with something warm and soft.

 

His eyes closed for a brief moment, the tear finally starting to roll away from his eye. As he opened them again, _she_ was standing in front of him. Under some strands of her (h/c) hair was a bandage visible that was loosely wrapped around her head. Her arm and hand was also covered with it, only her fingers free from the already dirty material. Her (e/c) eyes searched his, puzzlement written in them as she searched for a sign to understand what was going on.

Why he was here in her room.

 

Why a tear had just left his eye.

 

She remained silent, studying his features. Her expression was tired, concern mingled into it. But she didn´t ask him, sensing he would either tell her himself or just didn´t want to tell her at all. Or he was simply searching for the right words to describe what was going on inside him.

 

He pressed his arms even closer against his chest, his gaze returning to the white gleam of the moon, remaining there quite a while. [Name]´s fingertips gently traced patterns on the skin of his arm as she waited. Eventually his grey blue eyes searched her (e/c) orbs, locking with them. His mask had slipped, fully revealing all the fear and sadness that was raging in his heart.

 

“You were bleeding in my arms.” he brought out, his voice husky from the lack of using. His throat was absolutely dry.

 

She didn´t answer, stepping only one step closer towards him. Her expression had turned soft and her other, uncovered, hand came to a rest on his arm as well.  
  
The picture of her bleeding and whimpering in his arms mixed itself with her true self right in front of him, making him press his lips into a thin line and blink several times. The tear had reached his cheek by now.

 

“The…only thing you said..” he continued, almost whispering the words into the room as if afraid they would become true if he spoke them any louder. “..was ‘Kiss it all better’…”

 

She sighed briefly. “It was just a nightmare, Mike.” she said gently. “We are alive. There is nothing to worry about.”

 

He suppressed the urge to snort at that. Nothing to worry about? She had gotten injured during the expedition. What if…she died in the next one? Or the one right after?  
Biting down on his lip, he glanced away, more tears starting to glisten in his eyes. He couldn´t lose her. Ever.

 

Suddenly he felt the scratchy material of the bandage around her hand on his cheek, her thumb gently wiping away the one small tear he had allowed to escape his eye. She had raised herself on tiptoes, though she was still quite small compared to him.

Her expression was understanding, but there was also something else in her eyes as she searched for his gaze, eventually finding it. There was a silent question of permission into her (e/c) orbs.

 

He didn´t react to that, simply glancing at her sadly. Closing her eyes a brief moment, her hands wrapped themselves around his neck, gently pulling him down until his face was on the same level as hers. In her eyes was something that made him remain silent and allowed her to do whatever she wanted to right now. Her eyes fluttered shut and in the next moment he felt her soft, warm lips on his.

 

At first his eyes widened, some tears starting to spill. Then he closed them, and he finally unfolded his arms in front of his chest, gently grabbing her waist and pulling her close against his body. The kiss then turned into a desperate one from his side, his hands running up and down her back. Her heart beat strongly, and full of life, against her chest.

She was alive. She was here.

 

Nothing to worry about…

 

He broke the kiss, engulfing her in a tight, but very gentle embrace, his face buried into her hair, mouth close to her ear.

 

“[Name]..” he started, his voice shaking and full of different emotions like relief. “I never had the courage to tell you so… But, I love you. And I´m afraid that soon enough I might not have the possibility to tell you this anymore..”

 

He could sense the soft smile that was forming on her lips, her hands gently drawing circles on his back.

 

“I know.” she eventually answered. “I love you as well, _Mike_.”

 

Silently he simply hugged her closer, finally calming down fully. The pain vanished from his heart only faintly lingering in his veins as relief and love took its place in his heart. Exhaustion washed over his body and his eyelids were getting heavier with each breath. It had been a long day and an even longer night.  
  
“Come on.” she whispered, leading him towards the bed and gently lying them down. His arms remained wrapped around her and he pulled her closer as she snuggled against his chest, draping the duvet over them both.

 

“Everything will be alright.” she promised sleepily before her breathing evened out and she returned to her deep slumber.

 

Silently he listened to her heartbeat. Enjoyed the warmth and softness of her skin. Her smell in his nose. Soothing and calming.

Ever so slowly his eyes closed, his breathing mingling with hers as he drifted off to sleep.

 

Though one thing popped back into his mind moments before he finally fell into a dreamless slumber.

 

The worst part of being a soldier?

_“Losing the people that are in your heart.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually one long story, but since I am not able to finish the story anytime soon, I thought I might split it up, since I am really looking forward to see what you think of this story :)  
> It´s somehow gotten a heart project for me and the whole time I´ve been writing this, I was horribly sad, but still I am enjoying writing it because I have been starting to love Mike a lot ^^
> 
> I hope you could still enjoy this story so far although it´s horribly sad :/ I´m adding the second chapter as soon as I finished it :)  
> A small hint of what´s going to come next: Mike is going to find the answers to the questions the Reader had been asking him ;)


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